Sesshomaru Vs Randomness
by Shadowxwolf
Summary: The Sequel to Pizza Hut is finally here! And yet another chance for me to torture everyone's favourite demon lord by means of random hilarity. Fluff will ensue SesshxOC
1. In Which Nothing Really Happens

Woot! The sequel to Sesshomaru Goes To Pizza Hut And Other Tales! I do reccommend anyone who hasn't read that goes and reads it first, otherwise this probably won't make sense. And don't take to much notice of the first chapter, it's nothing more than a kind of prologue really...

* * *

'Sesshomaru, you never eat anything,' Lazuli complained one day. They were sitting by the river watching fish jump for flies. Jaken was trying to hit them with stones and Rin was picking flowers a little way off. Sesshomaru looked down at his new mate, wondering just what she was up to.

'I eat cookies,' he replied haughtily.

'Hardly part of a balanced diet,' she pressed.

'I don't need human food,' the demon lord explained calmly.

Lazuli scoffed. 'Ppfftt, whatever. I bet you're just skin and bones under that kimono – that's why it's so. . .baggy.'

Sesshomaru sighed. There was no point in arguing. 'What would get you to stop this ridiculous line of interrogation?' he asked with mock exasperation. It was a game: she would try to annoy him; he would try his hardest to ignore the jibes. Now, Lazuli shrugged innocently, fighting back a smirk that threatened to engulf her face. He sighed again.

'What are you doing?' Lazuli asked, worried. Sesshomaru was, in fact, taking off his kimono. For some strange reason, Lazuli was staring. Maybe it was something to do with the way his long silky smooth silver hair cascaded down over perfectly chiselled muscles and general smexyness.

'Satisfied?' he asked, inwardly pleased at the reaction he was getting. A woman riding a bike promptly rode into a hedge. Lazuli could only nod mutely in answer, blushing profusely, her eyes the size of dinner plates. Of course, she had seen this before, in Dubai, but at that point she had still been Sesshomaru's stalker and had been too busy laughing at him to pay that much attention to his magnificently toned physique. 'Good,' he intoned, shrugging the kimono back onto his shoulders. He missed the wolfish grin that his mate flashed to his ward. Rin now owed Lazuli ten pounds for a bet made earlier in the day: that Lazuli would somehow manage to get the demon lord to bare his chest in public.

Jaken, now tired of missing stones at the fish, had now waded into the shallows and was trying to catch them barehanded. The fish were having none of it. As soon as the imp got his skinny and rather pathetic claws round one of the trout, it whipped up and tail-slapped him round the face before darting back into the water, leaving him dazed and staggering. Rin giggled. Sesshomaru thought his retainer might need some help to prevent drowning, but took no further action. He was rather comfortable where he was.

He had been going out with Lazuli for several weeks now, and it still made him smile – inwardly of course, heaven forbid he show any emotion for no apparent reason – every time he thought of the end of his last relationship.

As promised, he waited for Lazuli to quit her job first – otherwise, Sarah, her boss, arch-nemesis and Sesshomaru's at-that-time girlfriend would flip. Lazuli's words, not his. He had heard it all from where he was waiting outside the doors of the cinema. Lazuli had just broken the popcorn machine. Again.

'Lazuli! How much am I going to have to deduct from your wages to pay for the repairs?' Sarah's voice cut through the air. Out of instinct, Lazuli cringed.

'I don't know,' she retorted violently. 'Maybe if you actually got the damn thing replaced, like everyone's been telling you to, you wouldn't have to deduct anything.' There was an audible gasp from the assembled staff. There had been bets on how long Lazuli would stand for her old enemy's tyranny. Everyone waited to see what would happen next. Rio, who had had the closest guess, was busy toting up his winnings.

All Sarah could do was gob like one of Jaken's trouts. 'How dare you!' she managed to hiss eventually. 'I could fire you on the spot for that!'

'Technically yes, you could,' Lazuli conceded. 'But theory and practicality have never been best mates, now have they? You see, if you fire me, I tell Sesshomaru, he breaks up with you, and you lose any leverage you have over me. Being liberated feels _so _good.' Sesshomaru could almost feel her grinning.

'He's mine, Lazuli, deal with it.' Sarah snapped. 'You, my dear are just the babysitter.' The employees watched with interest as the casual sparring between two people who loathed each other gradually turned into an all out bitch fight. They couldn't wait until punches started being thrown. Sarah would slap; Lazuli could knock lights out. Sesshomaru listened to it all progressing with casual interest.

'Okay, three things.' Lazuli held up her hand. 'One – never call me "my dear" ever again. Secondly, I don't think Lord Sesshomaru would take very kindly to you thinking he was your possession. And three, who spends more time at his house – me or you?' Sarah opened her mouth to object, but no sound emerged. 'Sarah, I quit. Please, don't call.' And she stormed out.

About ten minutes later there was an echoing cry from the lobby of the cinema – luckily it was a workday so not too many people were scared witless enough to need therapy – and Lazuli turned to see Sesshomaru, dressed immaculately as always, exit the heavy glass doors. He looked magnificent.

'Did you enjoy that?' he asked with a hint of amusement. Lazuli smirked and nodded.

'Did you?' In answer, the demon lord leaned down and lightly kissed her.

And here they were, three blissfully accident-free weeks later, lounging in summer sunshine with Jaken being beaten up by fish and Ah-Un causing havoc to the rowers on the river, with absolutely no idea of what was in store. The authoress rubbed her hands together with diabolical glee. This was going to be fun.

So yes, for those of you who haven't guessed, there will be fluff in this story, but I'm beating all the plot bunnies and squirrels and other deceptiely cute animals away with shovels :P

Shadowxwolf


	2. In Which Sesshomaru Goes Swimming

Ye Gods it's been a while. Sorry folks, but NaNo was calling. Here is chapter 2 then. There is slight fluff in this, but not too much, and plenty of Jaken bashing :) enjoy!

* * *

School is such a trial. One day, it turned out to be more of a trial than usual when Rin came home more anxious than usual. This was because that term, her class had to do swimming for PE, and it turned out that everyone in Rin's class could swim. Apart from Rin. It had never been a necessity, since Sesshomaru had never allowed her near a body of water big enough to drown in unless he was within a ten foot radius.

'What will I do?' she cried hysterically, sobbing somewhere into Lazuli's midriff as the former babysitter tried desperately to calm the frantic nine-year-old. 'Everyone else can swim and they'll all laugh at me!'

'I blame you for this,' Lazuli muttered darkly at Sesshomaru, who was looking slightly scared of rin's capacity for waterworks. It was something that was beyond his vast experience of life. At least he had the decency to look slightly sheepish. 'Now, Rin,' Lazuli said, untangling the child's arms from round her legs. 'Stop crying – it won't solve anything. I can teach you to swim if you like.'

'You-you will?' Rin gulped, hope brimming anew in her eyes. Lazuli, who had had experience of the uselessness of school swimming instructors, nodded. In an instant Rin went from distressed to ecstatic and bounded round the room chanting 'I'm going to swim I'm going to swim!' heedless to Jaken's calls that tried to shut her up. Eventually Rin's exuberance carried her up the stairs to her room.

'Jaken, go and feed Ah-Un,' Sesshomaru commanded. The imp trudged off slowly – last time he had fed the two headed dragon, it had ended up ripping up his clothes in search of Haribos. It had been a painful experience.

The demon lord turned to his new mate. 'I hope you know what you are getting yourself into,' he said.

'No sweat. We'll go on Saturday,' came the reply.

'We?'

Lazuli tilted her head to the side with that amused glint she sometimes got in her eye – the one that Sesshomaru both loved and feared immensely – and told him there was no way he was getting out of going to the pool.

* * *

On Saturday, they all went to the pool. It took a while to let the lifeguard let Jaken in, being a 'thing' and probably too unclean to go into the water. Sesshomaru's outrage such a suggestion (only because having a dirty vassal was a reflection on oneself) quickly cleared the matter up.

They made a fine procession down to the poolside, which was gently sloped like a beach, complete with sun loungers. Jaken (in Thomas the Tank Engine trunks) and Rin (in a red costume decorated with yellow flowers and the word SPEEDO across the centre of the chest) surveyed the pool with awe, marvelling at its size and the big shiny red tunnel slide at the deep end. The best bit was that this pool had a wave machine.

'So, Rin, ready to learn?' Lazuli asked, partially to get her mind off all the females in the place who were staring avidly at her boyfriend, who admittedly looked more than slightly drop dead gorgeous in black shorts. She herself was in a dark tankini top and, strangely for anyone but her, black mens' watershorts with a wave motif up the side.

'Yeah!' Rin cried with gusto, jumping up and down, oblivious to the hazards of slippery tiles.

'What about you, Jaken?'

'Don't be a fool, silly human!' Jaken burst out, then quickly regretted saying. Lazuli had a very Sesshomaru-like glare on her face. 'Err, I mean, no thankyou most honoured, beautiful, revered Lazuli-sama,' he stammered, bowing hastily. 'I am already proficient in the art of swimming.' Needless to say he started drowning less than two minutes later.

'Come on Lazuli!' Rin insisted, her eyes sparkling. Wading past Jaken, who was drowning in less than three inches of water, Lazuli followed Sesshomaru's ward into the middle of the pool, to where she could just about stand up. 'What are we learning first?' she gasped, raising her chin so it was just out of the water.

'Not to go out of our depth,' Lazuli said dryly, leading the way back to slightly shallower water. She loved swimming, especially the way cool water parted so easily, allowing a skilled swimmer to change directions in an instant.

'Now, the first thing about swimming is buoyancy,' she began, trying to remember years ago when her father had been teaching her.

'Buoyancy?'

'Yes. I want you to hold your breath and tuck your knees up to your chest. You'll float.' Rin did as she was told. 'Second thing: propulsion. If you get your limbs working together, you'll stay on top of the water.'

'What if you want to go under the water?' Rin asked.

'Like this?' Lazuli dived below the surface and swam a complete circle around the young girl before resurfacing. 'It takes time. Learn how to move first.'

* * *

Sesshomaru at this moment in time was lying on one of the loungers at the poolside, completely dry. He had considered actually going in the water, he really had, he just didn't see any point in getting wet on purpose – there were far better ways to exercise. Like trying to kill one's half brother, for example. Besides, chlorine was a nightmare to get out of his lusciously long silver hair. No, he was far happier here.

The one problem with where he was was that everyone had to go past him to get to the pool. This he wouldn't have minded on its own, but there seemed to be n awful lot of women there today. All of them gawked as they passed. He haughtily ignored them all. It wasn't his fault if his perfect demon body emanated smexyness (a word he had learned from Lazuli that was growing on him), but it did get tiring to have all these human females drooling over him. The one he really wanted to pay him attention seemed too preoccupied to notice him at the minute, so he elegantly folded his perfectly muscled arms across his even more perfectly muscled chest and sulked.

It didn't take Rin long to get the basics – she was a natural. Not even half an hour had passed before the nine-year-old was confidently paddling in circles. Lazuli chanced a glance at where Sesshomaru was sitting brooding and heaved a sigh.

'Jaken, watch Rin,' she instructed.

* * *

A shadow fell across Sesshomaru's closed eyes. It didn't perturb him, because a lot of shadows passed over his eyelids. The problem was that this one didn't move. A cautious sniff brought him the faint scent of apples and chlorine, and he blinked open an eye. Lazuli stood over him, arms folded, looking, in his opinion, rather attractive.

'You know, Sesshy, the point of going swimming is to actually go in the water.' There was that 'Sesshy' again.

'I'm perfectly happy watching you and Rin. What would happen if one of you started drowning and I couldn't see because I didn't have an overview of everything?'

'That's what the lifeguards are for,' she replied. 'And there are women staring at you,' she added darkly. 'Pleeeeeeeeeeease?'

Sesshomaru was annoyed at the puppy-dog look on Lazuli's face. He had _literally _invented that look. Even so, it got the desired result. With a refined and completely regal roll of his eyes the demon lord rose and followed Lazuli, who was now practically skipping, down to the poolside. He grimaced slightly with the first step into the water. They got to where the water was just above Sesshomaru's navel, and then he stopped. He wasn't going any further in.

'Come on, Sesshy, _swimming.'_ Lazuli sank down into the water as if in example.

'My hair will get wet,' Sesshomaru replied stiffly.

Lazuli sighed. 'Poor bairn,' she crooned. With a sudden manic grin, she waded up to the demon lord and threw her arms around his neck. He couldn't entirely suppress the blush that sneaked across his cheeks; such lavish shows of public affection were not his forte.

'What are you doing?' he asked suspiciously.

Lazuli glanced casually around, eyeing with delight the shocked and disappointed faces of every woman in the room. 'Making people jealous.' A second later she was falling backwards, trying to drag Sesshomaru with her under the water. But he had seen it coming, and fixed her with a gaze that said, quite plainly, _nice try._ She blinked in wide eyed innocence. Suddenly though, Sesshomaru found himself flying in a most undignified manner through the air as one of Lazuli's feet snaked round and hooked his leg, overbalancing him and sending him careening towards the water. Needless to say, he was not a happy bunny.

* * *

Jaken hadn't really been listening when Lazuli had told him to watch Rin. His eyes had gone large and saucer like when he first glimpsed the big red slide, and he hadn't quite recovered. It drew him like the light from a bug-zapper drew moths, and he just kept going towards it, until he found himself at the front of the queue. Until this point he hadn't realised just how high up the slide was – or how hard the tiles at the bottom were. There was a draft coming in from the ventilation ducts, and Jaken could have sworn the sturdy concrete walkway _moved _because of it.

He looked into the entrance of the tunnel. And gulped. It looked like the hungry maw of a great gaping dragon; it really was quite dark in there, and there was water streaming in constantly. Waves of fear tumbled over the imp as he stood fixated on the slide, running a hundred different ways to die through his head.

'Come on, hurry up!' said the kid behind him impatiently. 'It's only a slide!' Jaken would have moved then, but a new swirl of draft whipped up right at that moment and the imp, panicking, gripped the handrail, squeaking in terror. The kid rolled his eyes and kicked him down the tube. The lifeguard on duty helped him.

Screaming loudly enough that the whole pool could hear, Jaken slid backwards down the tube, getting splashed in the face with fresh waves of water as he struggled. Everything was so dark, it was like death. Oh God, was he dead?

'AAAAHHH!! I'mdeadi'mdeadI'mdeadI'mdead!' he cried as the tube span round and round and round, making him extremely dizzy. Finally the tube dropped straight down, and Jaken honestly thought his number was up, just in a far less eloquent fashion. He shot straight out of the end of the slide, still screaming, and hit the water with such a belly-flopping smack that it took a moment or two for him to sink. The lifeguard decided to save him just to get him to shut up and stop splashing, but as she pulled the spluttering imp out of the water she wished she really hadn't.

'Unhand me, mortal!' Jaken cried, ever his pompous self. 'Don't you know who I am?' He fumed as the 'mortal' looked at him blankly. 'How dare you not know I, Jaken, retainer to the great Lord Sesshomaru!?' The lifeguard, tired of hearing the endless list of titles this Lord Sesshomaru' possessed, kicked Jaken back into the pool while nobody was looking.

* * *

Meanwhile, Lazuli was fearing for her life. It had been really funny when Sesshomaru had hit the water, arms flailing, but since then she had changed her mind. When he had risen imperiously from the water, his silver hair now wet and dripping over his eyes, it had been a hilarious sight – but when he parted his fringe like a curtain off his face, his eyes had flecks of red in them. Lazuli had never seen the demon lord furious before.

'Now, Sesshomaru, don't do something you might regret later,' she cautioned, backing up through the water. Now was not the time to be calling him Sesshy. Still the demon lord advanced, flexing his claws in that very Sesshomaru-like way that she had seen him use countless times before trying to disembowel his brother. She was too young to be disembowelled, godammit! Maybe she should get back to trying to dissuade him?

'Come on Sesshomaru, don't take it like this. I'm sorry all right? Just, don't do anything rash. Something. . .you'll. . .regret. . .' Her voice fizzled out when he stopped less than a foot away from her, towering over her in a way that was more than slightly scary. What was even more scary was when he smiled in that way that made most people run half a mile even if they have no legs. He raised a hand –

And pushed Lazuli backwards in the water, where she floundered until realising the water was still little more than waist deep. She looked up to see Sesshomaru, his arms folded over his chest and a satisfied tilt highlighting his otherwise stoic features. Lazuli did her best to look indignant, but failed miserably. He was just too godamned smexy!

'Don't do that again, Lazuli,' he warned. The effect was somewhat ruined by the humorous smile trying to take over his face.

Rin had been watching all of this from a placed of complete safety. And trying to deny to her friends that she had arrived with the scardy-cat imp, the aquaphobic demon lord and the woman who seemed to have suicidal tendencies. She had spotted a few of her classmates over by the decorative crocodiles on the bank and had made a beeline for them, leaving Jaken in an instant. She was already a better swimmer than him.

'Come on,' Michael said. 'The wave machine's going to start soon!' they all hopped off the ledge, cheering about the prospect of waves.

* * *

Jaken had now recovered from his panic and was now looking for Rin (for some random reason) in the deep end of the pool. Curious about a strange dark shape under the water, he dived under, the useful water lids on his imp eyes closing and acting like his very own goggles. What he saw terrified him.

'Lord Sesshomaru! Lord Sesshomaru!' the imp cried, speeding through the water to where the demon lord and Lazuli were talking in an alcove. 'lord Sesshomaru!'

'What is it Jaken?' he asked irritably as he prised his sobbing retainer from round his neck. He hadn't missed the way Lazuli was biting her lip to keep from laughing out loud.

'They've got cages with sharks in over there!' Jaken wailed. 'Really! They've got bars and I heard the sharks growling in them!' Sesshomaru glanced at his mate for confirmation. She was amazed that she actually knew what he was talking about. What Jaken had really seen and heard was the wave machine; the bars were there to stop stupid people, or imps, from interfering with the various cogs and parts. It took a while to explain this to Jaken.

Unfortunately, the wave machine started just as she finished the explanation, and no amount of beating could persuade the imp that the world was _not_ coming to an end. Rin was having a lot of fun; that was, until Sesshomaru caught her standing within two metres of the boy called Michael and had to be physically restrained from using his poison claws. Lazuli only succeeded by telling him about the amount of paperwork involved in murder. It was an almost unanimous decision after that that they should go home.

* * *

'Sesshy?' Lazuli checked as she pulled out of the car park in the little Renault Clio christened 'Juanita'.

'Yes?'

'You smell like wet dog.'

* * *

Feel free to leave a message. I will take any suggestions on board that you have, but I'm still working on ideas from the last story, since they're so good

Later

Sshadowxwolf


	3. In Which Sesshomaru Goes Bowling

Oh dear! It's been so long since I updated anything on here! School really is a pain. Sorry folks, I really am. Here's the next chapter, hope you enjoy!

And a heads-up to KitsuneShinobi for the Seaworld reference :)

* * *

Lazuli, being bored, needed to do _something_ to take her mind off just how bored she was. All the usual things – reading, walking, annoying Sesshomaru, beating up Jaken – just didn't appeal to her at the minute.

'Sesshy, I'm _bored_,' she whined at the demon lord. Sesshomaru merely quirked an eyebrow at his mate. This was a regular complaint. He had long since tried to stop her calling him 'Sesshy', recognising it as a term of endearment.

'Me too Lord Sesshomaru!' Rin piped up next to Lazuli, who might as well have been her big sister. At least Lazuli had the sense to look sheepish, Sesshomaru mused – now that Rin had spoken they wouldn't hear the end of it until something was done.

'And what do you have in mind?' he asked. He was so going to regret this.

With one grinning glance between them, the both shouted 'Bowling!' in a way that invoked no refusal.

So they were going bowling.

* * *

Inuyasha was getting rather difficult to handle recently. Kagome and the others had tried to placate him with chew toys and long walks in the park, but none of it was working. Finally, Kagome snapped, and in that slightly terrifying habit of hers, yelled at the hanyou, demanding to know what the hell the matter was.

'I'm bored is all,' came Inuyasha's petulant reply. 'You never spend any time with me.'

Miroku, cleverly sensing in his own way that Kagome was very close to blowing her top, quickly took control of the situation. 'Maybe we could go out somewhere?'

Shippo got very excited at this, and, having been invited to a spate of birthday parties recently (all at bowling alleys, since that was the trend and small children can become rather obsessive about such activities), suggested the inevitable. Inuyasha became intrigued by this 'bowling', especially when the little kitsune described how bowling balls were used to knock over pins – anything involving seemingly mindless violence appealed to the hanyou. He was sold by the time Shippo mentioned the arcade.

So they were going bowling.

* * *

Jaken had an intimate terror of automatic doors. He squeaked frightenedly to Sesshomaru and Lazuli that the shooshing sound the doors made reminded him of when he was just a little implet and dragons used to attack his village. The problem was solved when Sesshomaru promptly kicked him through the doors. After that Jaken decided he was far more scared of Lord Sesshomaru's boot than automatic doors.

Rin was amazed by the interior of the bowling alley. It had been decorated with neon paints that glowed in the UV lighting, and flashing striplights illuminated the lanes.

'Wow.' It was all she could say. Jaken was too bog-eyed even for that, and only started moving again with another well placed kick from Sesshomaru. He had so far ignored Lazuli's attempts to warn him of being arrested for assault – the reasoning being that no policeman would dare come near an enraged daiyoukai wielding a demon sword. It was pretty infallible logic. Still, he had to hide his disgust when he found out he had to wear bowling shoes. The smell coming from them was so strong to his demon nose that they made his eyes water. Ever so slightly. And in a completely manly daiyoukai non-weak, totally Sesshomaru-like way of course. Lazuli just rolled her eyes.

'Come on Sesshy, you have to wear them! You can't bowl otherwise!' she insisted.

'Then I simply will not bowl – I will sit and watch,' he replied with great dignity. Both Rin and Lazuli looked so traumatized by this remark that he instantly changed his mind and condescended to wear those vile, smelly, wrongly proportioned, garish. . .and spitefully comfortable. . .bowling shoes. Damn human females and their singular ability to make him feel guilty!

Next they booked a lane. While the other three went over to the electronic scoreboard to put their names up, Jaken was left the task of gathering bowling balls. The problem was, there were just so many and they were all such bright and shiny colours! At first he tried to take all of them, but soon realised this couldn't be accomplished, namely when three slipped out of his puny little arms and landed consecutively on his foot. Then he found the kids balls that lit up with flashing, multicoloured lights when dropped. It took him five full minutes to break the hypnotic spell they had placed on him. Eventually though, with a deadly and very Sesshomaru-like murmur of annoyance from the demon lord, the imp stopped messing around and rolled the balls along the floor and heaved them into the racks.

'Do you know how to do it?' Lazuli asked Sesshomaru, almost coyly. He had insisted on going first, despite the fact he had never played this game in his life. He glanced contemptuously round at the other people in the alley.

'I'm sure I can,' he said.

Lazuli folded his arms. 'You might want to hold the ball correctly first,' she drawled, with more than a hint of amusement now showing in her voice. Sesshomaru was stumped. 'Come here,' she chided, rolling her eyes in a clearly affectionate way. She took his hand very delicately and placed his long, demonic fingers in the correct holes, then moved to stand very closely behind him. Sesshomaru was not entirely displeased by this.

'You're not allowed to step over that line,' she instructed. 'Or the score doesn't count. Don't aim directly down the centre, because you'll get a split. And don't get it in the gutter.' She grinned. 'Good luck,' and kissed him very lightly on the cheek before withdrawing rather smugly to see the effect she had brought upon the undefeatable daiyoukai. He looked quite ruffled. But, he pulled himself together and managed to get a seven-ten split. Rin surprised everyone by getting a strike on her first go; Lazuli got a very respectable nine pins out of ten and Jaken. . .well, Jaken managed to roll his ball into the gutter. Twice.

They were interrupted from the fun by an angry growl. Sesshomaru immediately put himself between Rin and Lazuli and whatever the threat was, but sighed when he saw the cause of the commotion. A very scruffy looking (in Sesshomaru's opinion) hanyou with unwashed hair – or anything really – dressed in red, a colour that did nothing for his complexion.

'Whaddya mean, I have to wear shoes, Bozo?' Inuyasha was shouting. He was perched angrily on the counter, hollering about five inches away from the attendant's face. 'Are you saying my feet aren't clean!?'

In fact Inuyasha's feet were not clean at all. They were blackish and covered in Sesshomaru didn't like to think what. Behind him Miroku, Sango and Shippo were trying to pretend they didn't know the weirdo in red, but it didn't quite work. Kagome however, had had enough.

'Inuyasha, sit.'

Inuyasha became quiet and obedient after that. With a slight smirk Sesshomaru turned back to his game and the usual strategy he employed with his half-brother: completely ignoring him.

Unfortunately this had very little chance of working, since once Kagome had begged the forgiveness of the attendant, he had given them the only free lane left – the one right next to Sesshomaru's. Kagome groaned as soon as she spotted the waist length silver hair. Lazuli sighed as soon as she worked out the problem.

Before they could do anything about it, however, Jaken had blown himself up and pompously gone storming over to the hanyou, brandishing the Staff of Two Heads. Inuyasha growled at the imp, who ignored it.

'How dare you come here, filthy half-breed and disturb Lord Sesshomaru? You have no right to even breathe the same air as milord and I would take pleasure in killing you where you stand for such insolence!' During this tirade Jaken hadn't paused, so towards the end his voice became increasingly high pitched.

'Shut up,' was all Inuyasha answered, bringing one of his very dirty feet (now thankfully covered by a bowling shoe) down on the imp's head.

'Jaken,' Sesshomaru called in an especially deadly voice. He did not even spare a glance for his half brother.

'And what are you doing here?' Inuyasha demanded. Sesshomaru continued to ignore him. Lazuli watched the growing tension with an increasingly vexed expression that mirrored Kagome's. Rin meanwhile had gone off with Shippo to play in the arcade. 'Hey! I'm talking to you!'

Sesshomaru turned round. Slowly. Coldly he regarded his brother. Half-brother. 'And why, mongrel, should I bother trying to understand what comes out of your mouth? It is, after all, in no way connected to your brain.' His lip curled slightly. 'That is, if you have one in the first place.'

'You'll pay for that, you bastard!' growled Inuyasha. Predictably, he drew tetsusaiga and stood there, waiting for Sesshomaru to rush him. The demon lord looked bored.

'You are irritating.' With a roll of his eyes, Sesshomaru drew his own sword.

Kagome, foreseeing the damage they would cause, leaped between them, followed a second later by Lazuli. She had had enough of having to pay damages to the owners of restaurants, theme parks, ice rinks, and Seaworld. Although Seaworld had been Jaken's fault.

'What's this, Sesshomaru? Do you need your weak human to fight battles for you?' the hayou taunted.

'Call me weak one more time, dog-boy, and I'll take that sword off you and beat the crap out of you myself.'

'Lazuli,' Sesshomaru said. 'Get out of the way. He wants to fight me.' There was a slight edge of concern in his voice, but Lazuli still scowled.

'Then I'm safer staying next to you, his aim is so bad.'

'Can't we all just get along?' Kagome pleaded, only to be snarled at by both brothers. This was not going very well.

Suddenly, Miroku spoke up. 'I know how we can all settle this.'

Five minutes later, Sesshomaru and Inuyasha were locked in fierce competition. Inuyasha had chosen to use the bowling ball with flashing LEDs, even though the finger holes were too small for him, simply because they were _shiny. _He was now regretting that decision.

'That one doesn't count,' he grumbled, nursing his injury. When he swung the ball down the lane, he had gone with it.

'The scoreboard counts it,' his elder brother replied smoothly. He was rather enjoying himself. Only because he was winning though. Everyone else was really bored.

Miroku was sat next to Lazuli. Suddenly she felt something moving up her leg, something that felt like a –

'Do you really want to be doing that, monk?' she asked, with a cold glare. She glanced at Sesshomaru.

'Ah, point taken, my lady,' the monk grinned. 'But if you wanted to, would you consider bearing my –' He was then knocked unconscious.

Suddenly the lane stopped working. Inuyasha growled. It had been his turn. Their hour for playing was up, and, unsurprisingly, Sesshomaru had won. He watched his younger half-brother being dragged away by the rest of his gang, not before they tried to get the bowling shoes off his feet. Inuyasha had become strangely attached to them, and refused to take them off. Miroku eventually knocked him out with his staff and everything went a lot smoother.

'And you'd better not come back!' Jaken shouted after them. Sesshomaru kicked him for being too loud.

'Are we going home now?' Rin asked. She yawned. Bowling hadn't been as much fun as she had thought, and halfway through the 'battle' she had fallen asleep on Jaken. The imp had been told not to move under pain of removing his My Little Pony collection.

'Yes, Rin, yes we are.' The small child regained her exuberance immediately and ran out to where Ah-Un was waiting, with Jaken waddling after her trying to instil ideas about walking with poise and dignity. Sesshomaru and Lazuli watched them go.

'Come on, we'd better follow before the world comes to an end.' Sesshomaru smiled and leaned down to kiss his mate.

'What a sane idea,' he said.

* * *

Hope you all enjoyed that! Reviews are very nice - they're like food to us poor fanfiction writers, so I would greatly appreciate getting some :)

Decision time: do you want the next chapter to be fluff, or mre comedy?

Until next time, Ciao!


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